


a burning love for me at rest

by teememdee



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Moonsets, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Sleepovers, Unresolved Romantic Tension, it's about the yearning, they were in love The Whole Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25429231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teememdee/pseuds/teememdee
Summary: Adora frantically searches for something else on the horizon to look at to take her attention away from Catra. She doesn’t want to think about Catra’s calm, relaxed breathing and how that would be ruined by an unexpected touch. She knows Catra doesn’t like those.She could move her hand, that way they’d never touch, and maybe the pull would go away. But Adora doesn’t move. Maybe Catra feels the pull too.---Or: Adora tries not to give in, with varying degrees of success.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 172





	a burning love for me at rest

Every day in the Fright Zone is a routine, and dinner time is no different. The line moves efficiently as each cadet receives their dinner tray and sits at the next open spot on the long benches and tables that stretch across the room. 

Normally Catra and Adora would make sure they were right after each other in line. Today however, Catra took longer than usual in the locker room and insisted Adora head to dinner without her. 

“I’ll be fine, Adora. Just go. I know you’re hungry,” she said, wiping her face with a towel.

“Are you sure? I can wait, really. It’s not that big of a deal.” 

Catra only hissed in response, and Adora didn’t protest any further. 

She knows when Catra needs space.

Now, Adora looks directly ahead, trying to ignore all the noises in the cafeteria she hates. Catra would make fun of her if she ever said it, but things always seem worse when her best friend isn’t around.

Adora receives her tray, holding a grey ration bar and a single glass of water, and sits down at the next empty spot. There’s no one on the other side of the table, but she keeps her head down as she eats anyway. At least it’s the grey kind tonight. She still isn’t convinced there’s any difference between the types, but Catra likes the grey ones more, so they’re definitely better.

To Adora, the cafeteria is always too loud, too crowded, too much after a long day of training. She doesn’t want to stay here any longer than necessary, especially not without Catra. She finishes the bar and water and starts to stand up, ready to head back to the barracks.

“Hey, Adora.”

Her head immediately snaps up at the familiar phrase, and her face softens when she sees Catra sit down at the spot across from her.

“Didn’t miss me too much, did you?” Catra smirks.

“Just the normal amount,” Adora says with a smile, sitting down again. “Did you count the people in line just so you’d end up in this spot?”

Catra is too busy eating to respond, but she turns her head in denial.

Adora laughs. “How embarrassing for you. It’s almost like you like me or something.”

Catra swallows. “Shut up. I just wanted to test something.” She picks up the rest of the ration bar, and holds it next to Adora’s face.

Adora is confused, watching Catra’s gaze switch between her face and the bar. Her face warms at the thought of how close Catra’s hand is. “What are you doing?”

After what could have only been a minute, but feels like an hour, Catra sets the bar down. “Lonnie’s a liar. These do _not_ match your eyes.”

“Why were you and Lonnie discussing my eyes?”

“No reason.” Catra quickly finishes the rest of her dinner. “There’s supposed to be a nice moonset tonight, wanna go watch? Usual spot?”

Adora blinks, unsatisfied with that non-answer, but she knows not to push Catra too much. “Sure, let’s go.”

\---

Their hands are close, Adora realizes. Closer than usual. They sit side by side now, legs dangling off the edge of the overlook, and Catra’s mere presence has a pull that becomes harder to ignore the more time they spend together.

Adora frantically searches for something else on the horizon to look at to take her attention away from Catra. She doesn’t want to think about Catra’s calm, relaxed breathing and how that would be ruined by an unexpected touch. She knows Catra doesn’t like those.

She could move her hand, that way they’d never touch, and maybe the pull would go away. But Adora doesn’t move. Maybe Catra feels the pull too. 

For now, that one plume of smoke is _really_ interesting. No reason to look anywhere else. It doesn’t sway at all, despite the small breeze. Adora wishes she could be more like it.

Then there’s a stronger gust of wind, and the smoke’s perfect upright stream shifts slightly. Not too much, but it’s enough. Adora closes her eyes and takes her wish back.

“I didn’t think being around me was _that_ boring.” Catra’s voice pulls Adora away from her own thoughts.

“What?”

“You weren’t moving and had your eyes closed. Pretty sure you were falling asleep there, dummy.”

Adora doesn’t think before the words leave her mouth. “You were watching me?”

Catra’s eyes go wide, she turns away, and Adora panics. She’s ruined it, she swayed too much, and now—

Catra’s little finger brushes Adora’s, and her mind goes blank.

“Just making sure you’re okay,” Catra mutters. “Normally you like watching the moonsets.”

Now, Adora couldn’t look away even if she tried. “I do! Always! I’m great. Everything’s great. This is great. The view. It’s great.”

Catra laughs, a sound Adora likes so much. “Yeah, it is.”

It’s probably just the changing colors of the sky as the moon sets further, but Adora swears there’s a new shade of pink on Catra’s face.

“If you’re tired, I’ve got a shoulder to rest on if you want.” Catra says it so naturally, like Adora hasn’t spent the last ten minutes having a near heart attack over the thought of an accidental touch. “I just don’t want you falling forward off this thing, that’s it.” 

“Wow,” Adora manages to say.

“I can always change my mind and push you off.”

Adora doesn’t even register the joke, awkwardly leaning sideways until her head meets Catra’s shoulder. It isn’t exactly comfortable, there’s no way she could sleep like this, but she finally feels calm. The insistent pull is gone, and Catra’s breathing hasn’t changed at all.

When the last moon slips beneath the horizon, Adora moves first. She knows the head count is soon, and doesn’t want either of them to get in trouble for not being in the barracks on time. Catra hates her insistence on obeying the rules, but she’s always followed.

“C’mon Catra. Let’s get back inside.” Adora stands and reaches out a hand, just in case Catra wants to take it.

She does.

Both standing but neither making an effort to move, they stay like that for a moment, holding each other’s gaze.

“It’ll be different one day, right? Once we’re out there, together?” Catra says.

Adora grins. “Of course. Soon, I hope.”

 _Together._ The word echoes in Adora’s mind. Shadow Weaver works alone, as does Hordak, probably. Force Captains likely do the same. They have individual rooms, after all. She wonders if she’d even be able to sleep without Catra nearby.

But Catra is here now, still holding her hand. Adora squeezes it slightly.

“Wanna sleep in my bunk tonight?”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Adora, I haven’t slept in my own in years. Do you really still need to ask?”

That’s true, but Adora never lets herself be sure. Part of her reasons it’s to make sure Catra never feels forced, but a deeper part of her knows it’s because she likes hearing that Catra still wants to be there.

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course, idiot.” Catra laughs and helps Adora climb down.

\---

Catra lies on her stomach, face propped up on her hands, with her elbows digging into the hard mattress. 

Adora, who sits cross legged to face her, wonders how that could possibly be comfortable. It must be though, because Catra is talking freely, though about what, Adora has forgotten. She had started counting Catra’s freckles, just barely visible in the dimmed light, and eventually her heartbeat had become the only sound in the room. 

She has to stop staring. She _wants_ to be listening— because listening is an important skill for a soldier, definitely not because she likes Catra’s voice.

“...Right, Adora?”

Adora blinks several times and shakes her head, dismissing her thoughts. “Sorry, I spaced out for a moment. What were you saying?”

Catra sighs. “Did your brain crawl out of your head into that hair poof of yours or something?” She reaches up to poke the poof, receiving a breathy giggle from Adora in response.

“No! I promise my brain is still where it’s supposed to be.”

Catra brings her hand back down and rolls onto her back, looking up at Adora. “Prove it.”

Now Adora is the one to sigh. She takes out her ponytail, hair falling below her shoulders and grown-out bangs framing her face. “See? Told you.”

When Adora looks back down, Catra’s eyes are glowing more, with pupils dark and wide. Her mouth is slightly open as well, but no sound comes out. A second passes, and it turns into a smile. Her ears perk up, just barely touching Adora’s legs.

Adora inhales sharply, and Catra’s ears fall again. Adora immediately misses the feeling. Catra’s ears always seem like they’d be soft but sensitive, and she knows Catra doesn’t like anyone knowing any part of her is sensitive. Yet, a quick look around confirms that the other cadets are asleep, or at the very least, turned away. No one would know.

“Catra, can I, uh…” Adora moves her hands slowly, so that Catra can see their movement towards her ears.

Catra blinks slowly. “Yeah. You can.”

Adora thinks she might pass out.

“Okay,” she manages to whisper, and runs her fingers along the short black fur on the outside of Catra’s ears, which have perked up again. They _are_ soft, and judging by the slight hitch in Catra’s breath, they’re sensitive too. “Is this okay?”

Catra hums. “It is.” She shifts upwards to rest her head in Adora’s lap.

Adora realizes she’s not going to be getting any sleep tonight if she can’t get her heart rate to go back down. She scratches around the base of Catra’s ears and along the front of her scalp, hoping that will calm herself down.

Catra’s eyes fall closed, and Adora listens to her purr.

After a while, Adora’s heart stops pounding and her legs start to go numb. Despite the discomfort, she wants to stay like this forever, watching Catra’s chest rise and fall with each deep breath. Her eyes twitch beneath her eyelids, a clear sign she’s dreaming, and Adora hopes it’s about her, and that she’s safe.

Adora leans back against the wall and lets herself sleep.

\---

When Catra stirs, Adora wakes up instantly. It’s a reflex, burned into her after countless nightmares of something dragging Catra away. She’s been taught to act quickly to save her teammates— that if she does nothing, she’d be responsible. So often in the dreams, Catra’s hands slip just out of reach, and Adora wakes up crying. Luckily, when her eyes clear up, Catra’s always there beside her.

Catra sits up and chuckles quietly. “Was that even comfortable for you?”

Adora knows Catra wouldn’t like knowing she made her uncomfortable. If Catra knew that, she’d never do it again. Maybe that’s for the best, though; too many nights of numb legs would likely affect her performance in training, and Shadow Weaver would scold her for it. Both of them, if she knew the reason why. Catra for doing it, and Adora for letting it happen. Adora isn’t sure which is worse.

“Not really,” Adora replies.

“Oh.” Catra shrinks away.

There’s a pang in Adora’s chest, and she quickly reaches out for Catra’s shoulder before she can go too far. This touch is natural to both of them: Catra never seems to mind as long as she sees it coming.

“No, wait, it’s okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mind. Don’t leave.” Adora takes a deep breath, and slides her hand down Catra’s arm to rest on top of her hand. “Please.”

“You still want me here?” Catra asks in a whisper.

Her voice reminds Adora of the breeze, and she decides to let herself sway. “Of course. I always want you with me.” 

Catra moves closer, and the pull returns. It’s overwhelming, and dangerous now. Adora looks around again. Everyone is still asleep. No one else would know if she gave in, just this once. 

She closes her eyes and leans forward. She hopes she’s not pushing too much, that Catra will meet her halfway, that this won’t ruin anything —

There’s a rustle of blankets across the room, and they jump apart before they touch.

Both are breathing heavy, and looking anywhere else but the other’s face.

Adora swallows. “We should sleep.”

Catra only nods in response.

Adora lies down on her back, leaving plenty of room for Catra, but says nothing more. Catra will come if she wants, but Adora won’t ask. She’s done too much asking tonight.

“I’m sorry,” Adora says. 

“For what?”

Maybe she hasn’t ruined everything.

Catra’s eyes flutter shut. “Goodnight, Adora.”

“Goodnight, Catra. I’ll see you in the morning.”

——————————

Adora wakes up screaming, face wet with tears. Despite all the bright, pastel colors in Bright Moon, her dreams are darker than ever. They’re full of shadows and claws that tear her apart. 

Catra is no longer there beside her.

Their time in the Fright Zone is nothing more than painful memories, now. They follow Adora everywhere, no matter how much she wants to forget. 

She stands and walks to sit on the large balcony outside her room. She’s tried so hard to be strong, to tell herself everything was for the best, but it never works for long.

Her sobs are painful and quiet. She doesn’t want anyone in the castle to worry, to know that she’s afraid, and especially not that she _misses_ Catra.

A breeze blows past, and Adora wishes it were that simple.

**Author's Note:**

> don't worry they get married
> 
> Title from Waking Up by PVRIS
> 
> Thanks for reading! I've never written fanfiction before but I'm such a sucker for pre-canon mutual pining that I figured I should create the content I want to see in the world.
> 
> Follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/teememdee) where I cry about Catradora almost daily (and there's a bonus mini scene on there too)


End file.
